Being a bi-racial Hispanic has not been easy on my love life. I know what I don't want. Question is: can I find what I do want: someone like me. I grew up in a Cuban household, attended an all-White (mostly Dutch) school and lived in a Black neighborhood. I had all facets of my ethnicities and culture- both Hispanic and American. So what's my trouble? I am none of those things individually, but rather a combination of all 3 in 1. Maybe it would be easier if I were just bi-racial, without the addition of having a Hispanic background. Or if I were a straight white or black Hispanic, rather than both. Either way, it has been difficult to find someone with the same cultural diversity as myself.
My latest dating experience was with a Caucasian male, with absolutely no experience of Hispanics nor anyone bi-racial or other than White. We shared similar political and religious views and are both intelligent, but that's where the similarities ended. How much does culture factor into my search for the perfect partner for me? Apparently, a lot. :-/ Needless to say, with all that we had in common, our differences were quite stark. Is there anyone out there that can relate to what I'm talking about?
Here's another example: while living in FL, I dated a "balsero". A Cuban who had come to this country in '94 on a raft. We got along pretty well except there were some gaps in communication. Why, you ask? Well he was extremely Cuban-so much so that he considered me not fully Cuban, because I had been born and raised in the States. We had a few arguments. Most of them centered on language differences. I understood almost all of what he said, but there were times I would get frustrated because he wouldn't even attempt to learn or speak English, even though he had been in this country for 10+ years. Also, (and this I didn't mind too much, but I did note the differences) he was very "juagiro". I was okay with it but I also know (thanks to my American cultural experience) that there is a time and place for everything. That in some social interactions, you can't always act like a "country bumpkin" or the Cuban equivalent of a "Redneck". Now, from my understanding, this is a part of the newer Cuban culture that has morphed during Castro's reign. I can tell you that my parents, having left the island when Castro had just come into power, are culturally quite more sophisticated. They are "old school" Cubans, and that is how they raised me.
So, that adds another layer to my issue. The fact that whomever I find for me, must also understand that aspect of me. I am not a feminist, nor am I submissive; however, I do believe that men and women have roles they fulfill. Yet, I am also educated enough and highly aware that sometimes these traditional roles are not what is best. I believe that these roles can be shared by both genders and that we do not have to limited to our gender roles. But rather, can supplement our current gender role with that of the opposite gender. For example, I believe a woman, especially a mother, should handle the children, the household cleaning, cooking, and such. The man, particularly a father, handles the garbage, vehicles, house maintenance, and such. Does this mean I do not take care of house maintenance, my vehicle, or taking out the garbage? Absolutely not- I can perform many of the typically "male" tasks. And anyone I eventually pair up with will hopefully not mind cleaning and cooking every so often. I guess my view is more of the traditional roles but with an androgynous twist. ;)
So, here I am: continuing on my journey to find my "media naranja", "mi principe azul" , "mi media mitad" , etc, etc, etc. I don't want perfection. I want perfect FOR ME. I don't even mind some of the flaws, as long as I can UNDERSTAND them. And if those flaws are generated from a shared Cuban-cultural experience and upbringing, then so much the better. If mi pareja knows that I have had struggles, not just because I'm Cuban, but also because I am bi-racial, and because I am a woman; then so much the better. And, if while we are attempting to get to know each other, he can sing "Sana, sana, culito de rana. Si no sana hoy, qué sana mañana." Then that is a huge bonus in my book! ;)
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