Choices

Why do you make me choose

Other avenues

When all I want in all the world

Is you?





Why do you force my hand?

I cannot make a stand

Against your walls of apathy

So grand.





I do not want another

But can't move any further

When all I see in my mind's eye

Is no other.





Why do you make me choose?

What do you have to lose?

See the love deep within me

It's no ruse.

My Friend

As I traveled along the road one day,

I saw a friend along the way

Shoulders bowed,

And head hung low,

I wondered why he walked so slow.

“Why did he go?” I heard him say,

And shake his head in deep dismay.

Tears that fell

On cheeks so pale,

I asked him “Friend, are you not well?”

He did not answer me, not at all

As he stopped to lean against a wall

Dropping down,

To sit on the ground

Loudly, I heard him moan.

“Lord, why did you take my friend from me?

Like a brother, he was as family.”

So I approached,

And lightly spoke,

“Friend, be well, I am not gone.”

Alas, I knew he heard me not,

For I had moved on, though not forgot.

Remember me,

For I’ll always be

Your brother, your friend.

For all eternity. 

Carefree or Predictable? That is the question

The Hidden Truths of Me
No one quite understands me
There is a complexity
A unique individuality
That they just cannot perceive

Each day is a masquerade
A fragile mask of "happy"
Slightly strained, a little tacky
I am always so afraid

But no one chose to see past;
Their claims of "we care" were vain
Smiles and hugs were feigned
Their ruse they could not make last

I desire to be complete
My heart to know affection
Not this imperfection
Hiding behind false conceit


I originally wrote a poem similar to this when I was in high school. I have updated it as my vocabulary is more extensive then it was back then. The poem expresses the disconnect I felt then with my peers and still feel at times today, especially when dealing with matters of the heart. Who to trust? Who to believe? Who is willing to get to know the "real me"?

I find when dating or getting to know someone new for the first time, that the glamour wears off quite quickly. Usually within the first 2-3 months. They seem to stop trying so hard. Whereas before they texted/called daily; after a couple of months, they no longer feel the need to do so. Dates together become more infrequent or the other person now doesn't put forth as much effort as they did when it comes to planning and executing things to do together.

I've considered the fact that maybe I'm just an absolute bore. But then I look at some of my friends that have been together for years and didn't seem to go through that period. One thing I noticed is that the male in the relationship is usually a goal-oriented, and detail-oriented person. Usually someone that is accustomed to setting tasks for themselves, following through, and completing them.

Then, I re-evaluated the guys I have dated - and realized the one thing they all had in common - they were slackers. Yup...no goal setting here! Rather, they were what I lovingly like to call "spontaneous" and "care-free"...but what psychologists and psychiatrists would much rather call "ADHD". So, I have determined my problem: leave the spontaneity behind and let the nice, predictable guy finish...finally! ;)

The Girl You Throw Away

She sits outside your window
Waiting on the bus
You sent her on her way
'Cuz you knew you'd had enough

You said the words she wanted to hear
For a month or two
You told the girl you loved her
But you knew it wasn't true

You loved her for a minute
But your heart just wasn't in it
There was nothing left to say
She's the girl you throw away

Now she's crying on a park bench
Her heart is on the floor
You used what she gave you 
But you really wanted more

She cooked and cleaned and waited
Whatever you would need
Picked up all your dirty shit
But she couldn't plant the seed

You loved her for a minute
But your heart just wasn't in it
There was nothing left to say
She's the girl you throw away

So you've moved on to the next one
The fresh face in the street
The one you really wanted
The girl you're gonna keep

'Cuz you've already forgotten
The one you threw away
Crying on that park bench
Nope...nothing left to say

You loved me for a minute
But your heart just wasn't in it
There was nothing left to say
I'm the girl you threw away